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https://i2.wp.com/www.dreadcentral.com/img/news/aug06/sideshowfvsjbig.jpgYes, I’m taking sides here! Platinum Dunes it is. And I certainly don’t get the point why people likes to bash on’em so much. I am pretty sure y’all are laughing at me right now but the following are the reasons why I think it is totally unfair to do so.

I am not a fan of this “remake” thing. I personally think at the rate it’s progressing, we’ll see a Hatchet remake in 2 years! But I’m not totally against the idea. I like old movies being remade, I just want’em to slow down.

See, let’s be practical here. None of the films they remade are masterpieces. Okay maybe Texas Chainsaw Massacre is, but I don’t get the bitching as the remakes were pretty damn strong. And Amityville Horror? Friday The 13th? Elm Street? At the end of the day, they are just a bunch of simple well-done film. I’ll rant with Friday The 13th because I haven’t seen Elm Street(2010) yet, and saw the others a few years back so it’d be a pain in the ass to remember properly.

I’m gonna be honest, I loved Friday The 13th remake. No way was it a perfect film but it was a damn good slasher. Why do we hate on it again? Oh yes:

1) Why is Jason a weed farmer?

-Give the guy a break! It’s not like we are all perfect, and being in HIS line of work we are lucky he didn’t smoke onscreen. And it’s not like he is a sleazy pervert who molest kids(!!). Okay, all lame jokes aside, this is ridiculous. I have no idea how this is even an issue.

2) Why Jason kidnaps people?

-I understand the hatred, we don’t want our beloved Jason to dig girls that remind him of his “someone”, we want him to kill people. But after all, it’s a re-imagination so you gotta let’em change something. And in the countless awful sequels, they’ve done MUCH worse.

3) Why is Jason so good with a bow?

-Ah! come on. It’s not like he’s walking around in corn-fields(cough *Halloween 2* cough) all day and night. He is Jason, a legendary character, so if Wolverine can run around naked(lol random I know), Jason can shoot some arrows.

Okay, my post made no sense, I’m still an amateur so you gotta let me have it. My point is, it did the other things right that we wanna see in a slasher. We get some bloody, messy and gruesome kills. Some of them are tricky and awesome. Yes, gratuitous nudity(of one of the hottest girls) if that’s what you perverts are craving for!!!!(hey don’t look at me!). Minor cliches obviously, we get some familiar characters but that’s the fun in slashers. Except maybe the original, the remake was better than all the films of the franchise.

And look at Halloween, look what Rob Zombie did to (possibly) the best slasher film of horror film history. And, My Bloody Valentine 3-D was one of the cheesiest films of last decade. To my surprise!!, Platinum Dunes had pretty much nothing to do with them!!! The Uninvited was a decent enough film and The Crazies and The Last House On The Left was great. So, no I’m not biased if that’s what you are thinking. I won’t stand here and say Sorority Row was a good film, as we all know it was nothing more than eyecandy. But it was SO FRIGGING BAD that it was fun!

So I will stop talking now. I just wanna say it doesn’t hurt to give some older films a shiny new look, if we notice a little too deep, we are just nit-picking and these small things barely even matters. Everyone’s opinion is correct, that’s what an opinion is. And I’m not here to change that, you hate The Amityville Horror, fair enough, say that with a high tone but don’t bash on it immaturely, because it looks to be a trend these days.

P.S. Fuck horroryearbook.com and their immature fag jokes. I don’t get it, everyone can pull off a few couple of gay jokes. Heck! I do it occasionally. They just say the same weird shit over and over again and I personally think they are full of shit.

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Whoa Whoa! Two back-to-back strong genre films I watched and both of them remakes! Now that’s a start(other one is The Crazies). So, I won’t lie. I thought this would suck, and of course, not to mention a couple of people were bitching it’s not good. I really gotta stop listening to people. I started watching it with the least expectation possible and ended up loving it.

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Director: Dennis Iliadis.

Cast: Tony Goldwyn, Monica Potter, Garret Dillahunt, Aaron Paul, Spencer Treat Clark, Riki Lindhome, Martha MacIsaac, Sara Paxton.

Synopsis: After kidnapping and brutally assaulting two young women, a gang led by a prison escapee unknowingly finds refuge at a vacation home belonging the parents of one of the victims — a mother and father who devise an increasingly gruesome series of revenge tactics.

The major turn-on for me was how disturbing the film was(okay so I never saw the original, I will though). From the point the situation in the film turned to total shit, the real deal began. There’s a near 45 minutes ‘holy-shit’ kinda disturbing scene that creates the base of the flick and from then on the film is either awkward(in a good way) or just fun. And fuck yeah I love me some good revenge!

“The characters of the movie from here on, were basically fucked!”

I never saw or at least noticed Tony Goldwyn before, but here he does a wonderful job as the doctor/mediocre good dad(lol that sounded awful, but that’s the best I could do). He showed some real good chops throughout the film and not for once did I think it was forced. The other actors did pretty good so it’s safe to say the acting was strong.

“Strong-ass performance.”

There are some horror films I love but have logic issues with, for example, The Collector(how the fuck did he manage all those traps!?) or A Nightmare On Elm Street original(you telling me the parents went nazi on a janitor’s ass just like that!?). So anyways, the build up of this remake was really strong and I could understand why, what was going on. Not for once did I feel like, “no that won’t happen in real life”, and I’m dragging ‘real life’ here because it is just a flat-out revenge flick.

Yes, I loved the fact that the characters in the flick made some smart moves and instead of running around like an idiot, they did effective stuff that made the film really fun to watch. One of the death scenes was wicked in a cool, gory and way frigging disturbing way(lol). Oh and some of the random stuff is used effectively(like the girl’s swimming talent).

Gore & Violence

The Last House On The Left remake is more on violence than gore. But still, we get some badass gore(hell yeah I cheered when the head exploded!). And mind you, it’s really really disturbing(images and a rape scene).

“The same guy from the first image. Lol, yes he suffered the most.”

Overall

This is a movie, I am really happy with, with no real complains, not even nit-pickings. I just thought it did everything pretty effectively OR, maybe I wasn’t expecting anything so thoroughly enjoyed what I got. Fuck that, it’s a great film with an awesome [climax(oh yeah!)]. Just go rent it if you haven’t seen it already thinking it will suck. For me, a 9 out of 10.

“Peaceful much!….Eh!?

“Now THIS is how it’s done.”

Director: Breck Eisner.

Cast: Timothy ‘the awesome’ Olyphant, Radha Mitchell, Danielle ‘the awesome’ Panabaker, Joe Anderson.

What’s It About

A peaceful small town. Everything is perfect, until when a rather zombie-ish guy interrupts a baseball match with a shotgun in his hand, it don’t need to be said that the Sheriff(Olyphant) saves the day. Similar unusual occurrence takes place, good guys going bad and killing their own families. The sheriff and his deputy sets out to find what’s wrong, as they were getting close, the government’s involvement turns the situation into an absolute chaos. And they all might just have a bigger problem than zombies(or infected)!

“Both of them did great. And the deputy here had to save the sheriffs ass a couple of times.”

The Pros

It’s been a while since I saw a strong-ass genre flick(last one was Dread). Much like Dread, the director and the actors(especially Olyphant) does an amazing job to capture the tone of the film. It is safe to say, they MADE the film.

“Here’s a Olyphant badass-ness for ya.”

The scenes that were supposed to be really intense were shot wonderfully. There were like 4 awesome scenes that had me at the edge of my seat and I just didn’t wanted them to end. And again, much thanks goes to Timothy Olyphant for his wonder performance that made those scenes look badass. After this and The Perfect Getaway, I am a big fan of the guy. By the way, “the almost nuts chopped off” scene was so fucking awesome that I had a bright look(figuratively of course) on my face the whole time. Oh and not to mention the “chaos caused by the government scene”.

“Holy Sweet Nuts! BTW, the whole scene was good marvelous.”

This movie just walks with the cliches yet making them interesting and not annoying. Hell yeah goes for the good job on jump scenes. I really hate jump scares that gives you a sudden “BOO!” with loud music and ends with the same way it started. But there were 4 or 5 of these sorta moments and they ACTUALLY WORKED. Yes, I’m admitting it, the “BOO!” worked!

The Cons

The CGI explosion near the end(you’ll know what I’m talking about) looked fake-ish. Nothing big, it’s just minor nit-picking from my part.

WTF!?

The government was freakier than the zombies!!!

“We are here to help. Or not.”

Gore & Violence

Decent amount of very well-done gore and plenty of awesome violence to be had here. This one is a WIN.

Overall

This is obviously one of the better remakes(I never saw the original of this one). Get yourself ready for a good time because I think this a strong and well-done film that’s supposed to make everyone happy, yes even people who are not a big fan of horror. A 8/10 for me.

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Cast: Malcolm McDowell, Tyler Mane, Scout Taylor-Compton, Kristana Klebe, Danielle Harris, Hannah Hall, Danny Trejo, Bill Moseley and Sheri Moon Zombie.

(The girls I like is marked red 😉 ).

What’s It About

(The movie basically begins after what I’ve stated below so it doesn’t count as spoilers)

The movie is about a creepy kid from a white trash family. He likes to torture animals and beat up human beings, anyways, he snaps on a halloween night when his mother’s out, he kills his abusive daddy and slutty sister along with her boyfriend. So he is sent to a place where psychos are locked up and is under the charge of Dr. Samuel Loomis. His condition turns bad with time and then he snaps even more, he doesn’t talk to anyone for 15 years and develops a mask making hobby, then when Loomis let go of him and moves on, an incident provides him a chance of escape and he does and thus begin the journey(or movie).

The Pros

I liked the tension or the premise of the movie, it’s creepy and terrifying and provides something scary, not that the movie is scary it just looks sort of intimidating as a horror movie.

Malcolm McDowell did good with his role. So, it is okay to say that he pretty much nailed the role. And also, this is the first time I liked Danny Trejo in something.

Tyler Mane nailed Michael Myers. He was so creepy and perfect that if I was one of his victims, I would’ve died before he could touch me. The mask of Myers worked very nicely.

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“Ain’t this creepy?

The Cons

Why the FUCK were the girls so annoying? I literally had a hard time listening to those hot girls. Why were they given such cheesy and annoying lines?

Are you kidding me? Scout’s character screamed and squealed so much for the last 30 minutes that I was temporarily deaf.

The movie was slow. Okay, don’t rush but a 2 hour long slasher flick is a little too much when you could’ve just omitted a few stupid things out.

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“You’ll should have demanded for a better script”.

The Violence/Gore

This one’s got some nice, disturbing and bloody kills.  Messy at times. Mmhhmm.

The Nudity

Yes, yes, yes. Danielle showed her goods, so did Klebe and Hall. The award goes to Danielle Harris though.

WHY!?!

This is the first movie I liked Trejo in, and his character was so good to Michael Myers, but why did he kill him? 😦

The Overall Judgement

It was a fun enough horror movie which made one big mistake by being annoying, it is a major crime. It deserves a 57%(C+) from me. I expected more.

Reviews Pending.

ZMD(2010)[ADH]
Kill Theory(2010)[ADH]

List of horror movies of 2010 I’ve seen.

If you ever notice grade change, it's because I changed my mind after second watch :)

Dread (A)
Triangle (A)
The Crazies (A)
The Final (A-)
Shutter Island (A-)

Blood Creek (B+)
ZMD (B+)
Kill Theory (B)
The Fourth Kind (B)
Legion (B-)
Daybreakers (B-)
The Lovely Bones (B-)
Case 39 (B-)
The Reeds (B-)

Nine Dead (C+)
Lake Mungo (C)
Bitch Slap (C-)

Zone Of The Dead (D+)
Circle Of Ei8ht (D)
Open Graves (D)
Growth(D-)
The Graves(D-)

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