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Okay, this is the first time I’m breaking down a trailer like this and shared the things that excited me the most. Machete is a exploitation film based on a fake trailer. Directed by Robert Rodriguez. This trailer got me interested in the film.

Cast: Danny Trejo, Robert Deniro, Michelle Rodriguez, Steven Seagle, Jessica Alba, Lindsay Lohan, Cheech Mareen, Don Johnson.


So these stuff happened in the trailer, is between the time I mentioned and onwards. I posted the trailer below! Watch it and share what you think.

00:01 Danny Trejo as Machete.
00:14 The teaser poster worthy image.
00:23 The set-up.
00:30 Lies!!
00:37 What’s with that voice?!
00:40 Robert DeNiro!!!! The senator, probably behind everything.
00:49 Machete finds out that he’s screwed.
00:52 He IS screwed!
00:54 Ohmygod, two hotties!!
01:01 Ohmygod, is that Jessica Alba!? She looks…umm..great!
01:06 Michelle Rodriguez badass-ness!! No wonder I love her so much.
01:14 Cheech Mareen badass-ness. I love shotguns!!!
01:17 That’s right! That’s Lindsay Lohan in a nun’s dress! What are the odds.
01:18 Okay she might not be a nun. I should’ve seen that one coming!
01:25 Yeah! Now that’s the shit right there.
01:29 Baddy is afraid!
01:32 No Michelle, don’t do it with Machete.
01:34 Now Jessica as well?!! Machete is such a…
01:37 Introducing Don Johnson.
01:42 Yes that looks good!!! No pervs, it’s not about the ladies. Action!
01:48 Alba in shower.
01:49 Alba trying to give a speech like Will Smith, “trying” I said.
01:55 Machete vs. Steven Seagle. Now that’s supposed to be awesome.
02:01 Deniro with a gun.
02:08 A whole lotta machetes!
02:10 Throat-slashing!!! Me loves.
02:15 “But they soon realized, they just fucked with the wrong Mexican.”
02:18 Aha, now that’s why we love exploitations.
02:23 Machete. The End of the trailer.

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I know y’ll are thinking that this is the right moment to go Nazi or Jackie Chan on my ass ’cause I actually watched this film. Anyways, here goes the review and I’ll keep it short.

Think of an orgy between Sin City, Smokin’ Aces, Pulp Fiction and Kill Bill and then 9 months later Bitch Slap is the ‘head-banged up’ child born. But the movies I mentioned are all great but this is nowhere close to them. It is visually a broke dude’s Sin City. It is something nobody will remember(except the lesbian scene, I still remember it). This is a cheap exploitation flick so I didn’t expect much. I ignored the cheesy visuals and horrible acting of Americo Olivio and I sat through it without any problems until the first cat fight ended(1 hr 15 minutes). But then it was followed by another repeatative cat fight which was unbearable, think about it once, how boring can it get that a cat fight seems unbearable. The obvious twist which revealed to us that one of the chick was a ‘non-human’, yeah how cool(or shitty) is that?  And then comes what ruined my day, a shitload of awful, painful visuals that made me scream twice at the screen.

The movie has ridiculous amount of boob-shots that will distract you away from the movie, and I’m pretty sure that’s EXACTLY what the director intended to do.
And I should mention this, the 2 other girls(especially Julia Voth) did some good acting. I clearly did not expect it from them.

Now, this movie has the potential of becoming one’s guilty pleasure but if somebody actually ‘likes’ it, I think s/he has issues. I’ll give it a 38%(D).

Share what you think about the post, or don’t. But you should.

Reviews Pending.

ZMD(2010)[ADH]
Kill Theory(2010)[ADH]

List of horror movies of 2010 I’ve seen.

If you ever notice grade change, it's because I changed my mind after second watch :)

Dread (A)
Triangle (A)
The Crazies (A)
The Final (A-)
Shutter Island (A-)

Blood Creek (B+)
ZMD (B+)
Kill Theory (B)
The Fourth Kind (B)
Legion (B-)
Daybreakers (B-)
The Lovely Bones (B-)
Case 39 (B-)
The Reeds (B-)

Nine Dead (C+)
Lake Mungo (C)
Bitch Slap (C-)

Zone Of The Dead (D+)
Circle Of Ei8ht (D)
Open Graves (D)
Growth(D-)
The Graves(D-)

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